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Britain’s Got Talent…but is it new or even original?

14 Apr

Last night the latest variant of the vaudeville acts we get from Simon Cowell‘s pipeline hit ITV last night. Britain’s Got Talent is back. As usual we fed the good, the bad, the ugly and the downright weird (yes Mr Vicar with a nun on a broom stick, that was weird).

I guess from the producers point of view and also the crowd reaction one of the sensations of the night was the dance troupe from Hungary – Attraction with their innovative and unusual approach to dance, but was it unusual or that innovative?

Here are Attractions

Here is a similar group Silhouette from another of Simon’s shows America’s Got Talent

There are in their own right two great performances but I think the for me the problem with Shadow dancing is once you’ve seen it once, it loses its awe. Or am I being too much of variety show snob?

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Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway…”Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble”

23 Mar

They say Nostalgia is always better the first time around. Sometimes it isn’t. I remember 1994 and I certainly remember PJ and Duncan and their hit single Lets’ Get Ready To Rhumble. It is safe to say my CD Rack feeble as it was back then was never remotely threatened by its addition.

Roll forward nineteen years. PJ and Duncan have become Ant and Dec. The Geordie lads from Byker Grove have become a pair of, not yet middle aged but certainly get closer, Saturday night Entertainers far removed from their suburban “Hip-Pop” roots.

As they evolved they carefully managed the change of their brand leaving behind all the vestiges of what they once were, that is until tonight.

In a nod to a recent reality TV series on ITV2 that saw 5ive, Blue and Atomic Kitten reforming, these bands were invited to perform on the Saturday Night Takeway tonight and the surprise was for one night only Ant and Dec were going to perform their hit single alongside the other bands.

The song might have been cheesy, pop-pish and very Vanilla but the performance Ant and Dec gave tells you everything you need to know about why they are Mr & Mr Saturday night TV. It was stupendously fantastic, especially when you consider that they were busting these same extremely energetic moves close to twenty years ago.

I shouldn’t have liked it but I loved it.

p.s. I you don’t remember the original, thanks to the wonders of YouTube, now you do

ITV’s Ant and Dec’s Saturday Takeaway…My kids are in Paris????

10 Mar

Ant and Dec are British TVs most wholesome double act, so wholesome that they probably count as one of your five a day and ITV’s Saturday night line up is not complete without the dynamic Geordie duo turning up in some guise or the other.

The latest offering is a new series of their successful Saturday Takeaway a mix of prize giveaways,  celebrity appearances, competitions and surprises for the audience.  Nothing controversial and as I said all very wholesome. Sometime even the most wholesome show hits a “this is a bit awkward” moment.

A young lady was picked out of the audience and Ant and Dec explained how the Mothers Day spa trip her two daughters organised for her was far from ordinary.  In disguise were quite a few of her favourite celebrities.  Clips from the visit revealed to her that the receptionist at the spa was Olympic medallist Louise Smith, her chef was Dancing On Ice Judge Jason Gardner and the  swimming pool attendant was TOWIE‘s Mark Wright.

Each clip bringing lots of audience laughter and humorous surprise from the mum.

All fine and normal, it then moved onto her chance to win a prize – ” A trip to Paris”. The camera cut to her daughters who we were told were in Chesterfield as they read out three clues for their mum  ”Where do they say bonjour?”, “Where is the Eiffel Tower?” and “Where do they wear berets?”. Mum answered the questions and won the prize and then the real surprise she was  told she was off to Paris “to join her kids”.

Then her expression changed she was no longer amused more bemused. You did not have to be a mind reading to see the thoughts racing through her head. What the  h@#! were her  7 and 4-year-old daughters doing in Paris? How did they get there? Who was with them?

She was literally frozen to the spot with incredulity and not of the happy kind, and had to be subtly ushered off the stage. I suspect there are going to be many questions asked back stage.

It deem seem a bit gung ho,  I not sure if there was another parent present but there had been no suggestion on the show that there was, so I can imagine the mum being less than happy. I think Ant and Dec may have dropped a tiny notch on the wholesomeness scale.

Her Majesty’s Prison: Aylesbury….A documentary too far?(ITV)

25 Feb

This was quite a revealing in-depth documentary about Prisoners in HMP Aylesbury. What really caught my attention was the case of a young lad Ryan Buckley.

I didn’t catch what offence he had committed but his storyline was pretty harrowing and my first thoughts were how come these scenes were being shown on TV. Ryan clearly had serious psychological issues. We were shown scenes of him self harming and worse his body being taken down after an attempted suicide.

As a prisoner Ryan rightly has many rights taken away but does that include the right to decide if his struggles in prison is allowed to be used for our “edutainment“? He may have willingly agreed to take part in the programme but  is he really in a state to give informed consent.

I can imagine if he has people outside that care for him watching his unconscious body being cut down from a noose where he tried to hang himself must be heart breaking.

Prisons are for punishment and where possible rehabilitation. “Edutainment” which I am sure is what it is being sold as, is not within the  remit of the Prison Service and programmes like this take us down a road we may not want to travel on.

ITV…Did the Brits just invent a new award for One Direction?

20 Feb

The Brits is pretty much what you expect a host of stars, starlets, luvvies, media types, the full A to Z  of celebrity. Then you have the those they all came to see and be seen with the Brit nominees and the winners.

It was a good night for Emili Sande taking home the Brit award for British Solo Female Artist of the years and album of the year.  Other artistes who won were Ben Howard (Best British Breakthrough and Male Solo Artist), Lana Del Rey (Best International Female), Frankie Ocean (Best International Male), Black Keys (Best International Group) and Adele received her award over in America for Best Single.

Pretty much all the usual suspects picking up awards except that is for uber-boy band of the moment One Direction. Host James Corden spent a lot of the programme talking about them and mingling with them. When Talyor Swift made an appearance it did not take long for James Corden to head over to join them (well Harry Styles). A beaming open shirted Simon Cowell was close by, keeping an eye on his money spinning wards.  Generally they were the focus of a lot of attention.

Surely with all this focus they must be here to pick up an award, but as the awards were handed out one by one it looked like they were heading home empty handed. That was until out came Robbie Williams waddling up to the satge in a suit that fitted very snugly over what looks like the beginning of a very ample belly.

He announced the winners of the ‘Brit Award for Global Success’ and the winner? Yes One Direction. What? Where did that come from you might say?  ’Brit Award for Global Success’ where was that when Blur, Oasis, Cold Play and others were sweeping the world before.

Who knows but maybe in the minds of some these other artistes aren’t as ground breaking as One Direction. The lesson it seems is if the fans, and critics don’t want to show any love for One Direction, the Brits awards committee will.

ITV…Tom Daley’s ‘Splash’ was like an awkward belly flop

6 Jan

If you have followed Tom Daley’s career with any amount of interest one thing you couldn’t have missed  is that there was always a  media tint to it, so no surprise when the program ‘Splash’ was announced and he was a major part of it.

Tom is an Olympic ‘hero’ of sorts, granted it was just a Bronze medal but it far more than most of us will ever achieve sports-wise. As for the celebrities learning to dive from scratch does take a considerable amount of effort and dedication, so there are positives about the venture, but is it entertaining? With some trepidation I tuned into watch this.

In a summary the programme is like a cheap version of Strictly Come Dancing hosted in a local council’s leisure centre with diving instead of dancing.  Five episodes are to be shown with two celebrities each  from three heats making it to the Semi-finals and after that the final.

Tonight’s heat had Benidorm’s Jack Canuso, Sugar babe Jade Ewen, Comedians Omid Djalili and Helen Lederer, and Presenter Jenni Falconer competing for a place in the semi finals.

There seemed to have bussed in millions of screaming Tom Daley fans off to the Luton Regional Sport Centre, Stopsley where it is being filmed, as every time he made an appearance the volume of high-pitched screams went up several notches. Needless to say there were endless appearances of Tom in’ the micro trunks he’s made his trade mark to keep the fans contented.

The dive order was  Jade Ewen, Jack Canuso, Helen Lederer, Jenni Falconer and lastly Omid Djalili. The dive itself lasted no more than a few second which meant there was a huge amount of time to fill and a lot of it was filled by slow motion shots of the celebrity contestants boogey-ing and high-five-ing their way up onto the diving platform – all a bit weird and random.

The diving itself was mildly entertaining, Jenni was quite ambitious and seemed to have done the most technical of dives to my lay man eye’s , Omid and Jake were adventurous and Jade and Helen didn’t let themselves down as they conquered whatever fears they may have had coming into the competition.

The judging panel had Olympic silver medallist Leon Taylor, Team GB coach Andy Banks and Jo Brand, yes Jo Brand the comedienne  It turns out Jo Brand has previous form as it were, she had previously fronted a programme on satellite channel Dave called Jo Brand’s Big Splash and she dived on that programme after some training with a coach of Tom Daley’s, Blake Aldrige. So there you go

The judge scores were a bit erratic, especially those from Jo. With the judge’s scores tallied up Omid emerged top of the leader board followed by Jake, Jenni, Jade and Helen in that order.

Just like strictly the judges scores are added to a public vote and out of that Omid topped the overall score and went straight into the semi-final, Jade and Helen came bottom and were voted off the show, while Jake and Jenni went into the ‘splash-off’ which jake won to also go through to the semi-finals.

The sum of what I just described could have been over and done with in 20 or some minutes how on earth this programme ran for 90 minutes is nothing short of a master class in how to pad out a TV programme, over 30 minutes of commercials also helped.

Was it quality programming? No. Was it worse than other Saturday early evening filler we have endured over the years like Total Wipe out  Bring on the Wall, etc? Not really. Will I be making a point to catch up on it? No.

But if you want to judge for yourself you can watch it on ITV Player here .

ITV…Will Tom Daley’s Reality TV Show “Splash” sink or swim?

2 Jan

Why do TV stations like reality shows? The Simple answer is because they are far more profitable when compared to the traditional format TV shows. Reality TV shows require no writers or actors and are often shot at a single location which means lower costs.

How do the costs compare? An episode of BBC’s hospital drama Casualty costs about £500,000 to produce, and BBC budgets at least £900,000 per episode for its top range dramas. An hour of Big Brother on the other hand can cost about £100,000 to produce. Reality TVs which are celebrity driven will cost a bit extra but still a lot less than scripted dramas.

More tellingly unlike other low-budget programmes Reality TV shows often deliver enviable audience figures. So it comes as no surprise that ITV’s schedule across the broadcasters network is stuffed full of reality TV formats of all flavours from “I Am a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”, “Hell’s Kitchen”, “Dancing on Ice”, “The X-Factor” to the “The Only Way is Essex (TOWIE)”.

You would think that by now ITV have exhausted every possible reality format possible, but you would be thinking wrong. Their latest offering takes a very photogenic, relatively successful Olympic ‘Hero’, adds a bunch of personalities with varying degrees of celebrity, and throws them into a set of task challenging enough to humiliate and embarrass and but not serious enough to injure and voila! you have Splash the new reality TV show from ITV.

The show is is a vehicle to take advantage of the popularity of Bronze medal winning Olympic diver Tom Daley and involves a bunch of celebrities learning how to dive.

Try as I may I just can’t see how this would be interesting. As an Olympic sport diving is mildly engaging, but as the premise of a reality show? We will obviously get the occasional Peter Kay style “running bomb” and some of the fitter celebs in nice looking swimwear but beyond that? We’ll have to see, reality shows have a funny way of defying convention.

‘Celebrities’ that have been lined up so far are reality TV veterans like TOWIE star Joey Essex ,Shameless’ Tina Malone and comedian Dom Joly.

Alongside them are newbies like Hollyoaks actress Jennifer Metcalfe, Sugababes singer Jade Ewen,Comedians Helen Lederer and Omid Djalili, Olympic boxer Anthony Ogogo, Benidorm’s Jake Canuso , TV host Jenni Falconer, Sky Sports News presenter Charlotte Jackson, gardener Diarmuid Gavin, Changing Rooms star Linda Barker and ski jumper Eddie ‘the Eagle’ Edward.

The show is to be hosted by Vernon Kay and Gabby Logan and starts this Saturday.

I Am A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here…. because the final is boring

30 Nov

ITV’s top reality show I Am a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here winds it way to this weekend’s final. The celebs came and one by one they were weeded out.

Brian Conley who it seems bit off more than he could chew. Nadine Dorries who for understandable reasons prefers the snakes and creepy crawlies of the Australian jungle to the homegrown variety in the Westminster jungle. Limahl whom I never heard of before this and I suspect I will not hear of him after this either. Linda Robson who made as much impact as a vegan at a burger bar. Cuddly corpulent Colin Baker who shed a good few pounds – just what the Doctor would have ordered.

There was also Helen Flanagan who gave us a selection of “Myleene Klass shower moments” but we didn’t reciprocate with votes. Rosemary Shrager big boisterous and bulldozed her way over her days in camp. Suave, Urbane and minted Hugo Tylor whom I am sure has lived in houses with vegetable patches bigger than the jungle camp. Eric Bristow, the cockney diamond geezer always up for a bit of banter but less keen on taking part in titillating Pussycat Doll routines.

This left us with Ashley Roberts, Charlie ‘Janine’ Brooks and David ‘The Hay Maker’ Haye, all very likable and nice people, but you can’t help feeling not the most interesting three of the bunch that started. Often that’s the problem with public voting on reality TV shows. The big more controversial characters tend to divide the public, you love them or loathe them.

While their are people who religiously vote for the big characters which sees them through the early rounds, invariably they fall by the way side as the number of contestants dwindle.

Out of this cull emerge those who are the least grating, the ones who you think “well if my favourite doesn’t win I won’t mind him or her winning”, the apparently pleasantly nice folk, who bitch but do so in a refined almost unnoticeable fashion. Who want to win so badly like everyone else, but never in a manner that you would notice. They are seemingly nice but not incredibly fascinating.

It is a problem for reality shows how do you sustain interest when you lose your Rylan and are left with your Jahmene.  You lose you rabbit rissotto and are left with your Ryvita. It is almost inevitable and just goes to show how hard it is to win from the extremes.

We see it in the X-Factor, The Apprentice, Big Brother and all the other shows. I call it the RFC – Reality Final Conundrum.

ITV News…”…who killed his landlady with an axe”. What purpose did this context serve?

19 Nov
Français : Alsace, Bas-Rhin, Strasbourg, Cour ...

European Court of Human Rights (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Watching the news yesterday my attention was caught by a story about whether prisoners should be given the right to vote. The European Court of Human Rights has recently passed a judgement requiring that some prisoners be given this right, this is at odds with current British law and against the coalition Government’s stated policy.

As would be expected the news item had opinions from both sides of the debate including one John Hurst a former Prisoner. Reasonable you would think, to have the opinion of a former prisoner on this issue, to give perspective from the prisoners side. More importantly he had also taken the government to the Human Rights court over this issue, so was well versed on the prisoners stance.

So why was he repeatedly introduced as “former prison John Hurst, who killed his landlady with an axe“.

What is the relevance of his crime to the news item. It is not as if some special dispensation is being asked for, or granted to murderers, nor is the case specifically about John Hurst. Irrespective of the rightness or wrongness of the issue, it certainly seems at odds with their obligation to give a balanced opinion on news items.

Judge for yourself if it seems relevant

I Am A Celebrity…How Do you Solve a Problem Like Helen Flanagan…

18 Nov

ITV’s ratings winner “I am a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” has run into a big problem and it is causing the producers endless headaches. Simply put they have a problem with Helen Flanagan

For anyone who has never watched the show the premise is this.

  1. Pick a bunch of a bunch of “celebrities” who are looking to give their career a boost and earn some extra cash.
  2. Fly them out to Australia.
  3. Stick them in a “jungle” camp over there for three weeks. (In reality a camp built on the edge of a nature reserve).
  4. Put them on very basic food rations mainly rice and beans.
  5. Every day the public vote for one of the celebs to go through some sort of ritual humiliation (aka Bushtucker trial) to win more food for the camp. The trials range from eating Kangaroo testicles to crawling through bug infested slime.
  6. If doing the trail proves to be too much for the celebrity, they can yell out “I am a celebrity get me out of here” and the humiliation will end but obviously they will win nothing.
  7. If celebrity completes the trial successfully they win improved rations for the other celebrities back at the Camp.
  8. Next day repeat 5-7
  9. At the end of about two weeks of repeated celebrity humiliation the public start voting to kick out the celebrities they were least entertained by and the last man / woman standing is crowned King or Queen of the Jungle.

Now if all goes well the celebrities endure the rounds of humiliation, sometimes winning some times losing, but providing the show with lots of footage to keep the watching public entertained.

As most of the celebrities involved are only border line famous, a lot of pre-show publicity is required to raise awareness of who they are before it kicks off.  Some get more publicity than others and in the run up to this show a significant amount of publicity was given to ex-Coronation Street actress Helen Flanagan. In addition to endless shoots of her in her jungle kit,which she did look good in, much of the publicity was about the inordinate amount of things she was afraid of.

I suppose from ITV’s perspective she was the ideal celebrity a beautiful woman, guaranteed to provide oodles of amusing footage during bushtucker trials as wades through a pipe of slime, slugs and spiders a fetching two piece swimming suit.

It all seemed to be going to plan, the public were voting for Helen Flanagan  to do the trials day after day. The problem was Helen was not really playing ball, trial after trial she has either ignored the instructions, put in a half-hearted attempt or as we saw last night simply said she was not doing.

The problem now for ITV is that it seems to have a war of attrition on its hand. The viewers of the show are relentless in voting for Helen, and Helen in turn is becoming increasingly unapologetic about not doing the trails, leaving the producers with very little celebrity humiliation to pad out the show.

They’ve apparently tried to make the trails as easy as possible  and host Ant and Dec have cajoled, persuaded and pleaded with Helen to give the trials ago but it looks like it is not working and people are getting livid according to The Sun

An ITV source said: “The amount of time and effort to set up these trials is huge. “So it is infuriating for them to see that work go to waste.

This time the anger is so high producers are planning to use the trial again.”

The real big problem is unlike other days today’s trials is supposed to be beamed live and if Helen (who has been voted to do it again) wimps out they will be left with a significant amount of live broadcast time to fill in.

Looks like it is time for the production staff to really earn their keep, as they need to find a solution to this before tonight.

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